im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
