i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just invented taco cereal.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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