I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
