May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
