happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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