i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
