This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
