YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
