Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
