The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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