I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
