It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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