apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
