Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
