i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
