walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
