Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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