We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
