SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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