i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
