im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
