all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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