New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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