just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
