All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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