Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
