I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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