I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was confusing and full of hummus
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
