if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
