he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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