sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
