and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
