OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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