and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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