Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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