I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
