.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
