just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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