TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
