I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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