i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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