My liver just broke up with me...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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