R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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