my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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