You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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