You're so nebulous sometimes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
