Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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