someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
