You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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