its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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