Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
