I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
