oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
