yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
