dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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