I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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