My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
