I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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