everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
