was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
