don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
