You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
