Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
