I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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