I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
